- “I still got the implants in my head. C.I.A. is still listening in. It just doesn't bother me anymore. Instead, I—I beam Jasmine's love up to their satellite, you know? Share the love with those M.K.-Ultra bastards.”
- ―Ted[src]
Ted was a Human male and the former owner of the Magic Bullet Books and was known to be exceptionally paranoid. Ted died after setting fire to his book store after he felt he had not been given permission to leave by Jasmine.