This article is about the Season 9 comic. For the show starring Rebecca Lowell, see On Your Own (show).

"On Your Own, Part One" is the sixth issue of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Nine comic book series.


The issue begins with the flashbacks that we've seen from the preview pages. Nikki was fighting a vampire. We're in New York in 1973. Nikki was weak and the vampire was ready to kill her. It could understand the sedatives and it could also smell the blood of someone else, it knew that Nikki was pregnant. But that was his mistake, talking about her baby and threatening both of them only gave Nikki the strength she needed to fight back and dust him. Nikki's watcher Crowley came, telling her that she shouldn't have done the Cruciamentum. But Nikki was all about the mission, that's what was important, and all the slayers do it on their 18th birthdays. She shouldn't be an exception to the rule just because she was pregnant. The vampire threatened her baby and that gave her the strength to fight it as she told her watcher. But she's still wasn't sure what she'd do with her pregnancy.

We then go to Buffy herself. She's with her sister talking to her and telling her the news. Buffy had no idea who the father is but Dawn asked her to narrow it down by giving the list of the potential fathers. But the problem is that list had everybody who was at Buffy's party. Dawn believed that maybe it wasn't that night, but Buffy was clear about it. She hadn't had any non-slayer action lately, she got pregnant the night of the party when she blacked out. Dawn was very supportive, she understood that people do stupid things while getting drunk, besides she herself ended up a giant, a centaur, a doll and she asked her sister if she remembered being alone with someone at the party. Buffy told her about all the people she remember being alone with, Riley who was married, Andrew that she can't be sure why she even thought about his name, Root who didn't shower, Tumble who showered infrequently, the neighbor whose name she couldn't remember and Spike. Dawn was very surprised when she heard Spike's name, but Buffy explained that with the seed now broken, it could be possible that every vampire rule was being rewritten. And those were the guys she knew at the party, so she understood that she was on her own. But Dawn was very supportive, reminding her that she got her and Xander. Something that reminded Buffy of Willow, but Dawn says that her mobile was disconnected last time she tried to call her and she offered to stay with her and miss her courses until they figured it out but Buffy had another plan and she made a call.

Robert Dowling was at the embarcadero waiting for Spike who arrived with his spaceship, something that left Dowling speechless. He had a lot to learn about vampires but of course not all vampires had a spaceship, as Spike told him. Back to 1973, Crowley asked Nikki about the father telling her that maybe the father can raise the baby. But Nikki said that saw a lot of bad stuff and when she blew off steam, she didn't ask for names. And if she went  through with it, she'll end up hurting the baby. On the other hand though, that baby gave her strength to fight the vampire and kill him when she was powerless so maybe that baby was her reason of fighting. But as Crowley said, if she put that burden on the child, it would always blame her.

So we return to present time and we see Robin himself talking to Buffy. He didn't have any easy answer to give her. But all that Buffy wanted to know is what it was like to grow up and have a slayer as a mom. So Robin told her. He knew about demons and vampires when other children of his age believed in the tooth-fairy. He was closer to Crowley than he was to his own mother. And if he was lucky, she'd take him to patrols or else he had to wait for her to return, if she would return again. And waiting for her was hard and it always took longer than he expected, but she always came back until the night that she faced Spike and he killed her. Buffy was sad, she understood what she had to do, Robin grew up resenting his mother for what she did to him. But surprise, Robin actually reminded Buffy that he was alive and there talking to her because Nikki decided to have him. He believed that she should consider giving birth to the baby.

Back to Nikki. She's fighting vampires, killing most of them but one. Thank God her watcher is there to help her and he dusted the one that almost killed her. Two more vampires attack, each of them getting dusted by Nikki and her watcher. It's the first time that he followed her to patrol, and it was because she's pregnant. He had trained himself so he could help her. He couldn't believe that she went out to patrol, he had rented her a cabin to stay there, but for Nikki only the mission counted. Nikki was worried that the council will find out about her pregnancy when there would be nobody to fight the vampires. But her watcher assured her that he'll cover for her until the baby was born and that the council would never know about the baby until Nikki decided to give him to a family so he could grow up safely.

Back to Spike and Dowling who obliged Spike to wear a strait jacket. After all, it's the department's policy. And he wanted to know more about vampires than already been dead as Spike informed him while wondering why he must wear the strait jacket. Dowling wanted to know how to dust vampires and wanted to find a nest so he could practice. But Spike was clear about it, he wasn't not even close of being ready to even see a nest. They can wait for something nasty to come and feed itself and then they'll attack. So, Dowling unable to dust a vampire and wanting to know more, asked Spike how a vampire is a slayer's friend. Since he must learn everything about them, it's obvious that this kind or relationship between Buffy and Spike surprised him. In just a cloud Spike told him about their story, he wanted to kill her, he failed, he had the chip, he had a thing with the Buffybot, a thing with the real Buffy, then he got his soul and they went separate ways. And Dowling asked him if they still have something going on, and Spike replied that Buffy only went to him when she wanted something dark and wondered if Dowling fancied her. There's nothing he would love more than seeing her with a guy like Dowling who had no idea about what's going on during nights. Dowling believed that dating a cop was not the best thing, he had seen so many things and bringing them home was not the best thing. But Spike informed him that he had seen nothing compared to Buffy, there was nothing that Dowling had seen that Buffy couldn't handle it. Probably Dowling was the one that wouldn't be able to handle it.

Back to Buffy and Robin. Buffy wondered how come Nikki didn't give him for adoption. Robin informed us that Nikki put up walls with everyone she came contact with. And after he was born, Nikki couldn't stay with a guy more than 2 weeks. And it would have killed Nikki to stay away from Robin but all she had to do was to stay away from slaying. When Nikki gave birth to Robin, she told her watcher that she didn't want to go back to slaying. And Crowley promised her that he'll deal with the council. We learn that Nikki had been already a slayer for 3 years until the moment she gave birth and most of the slayers don't last half that long, that she'd killed countless vampires and saved thousands and Crowley told her to walk away and do that for her son. Crowley gave Nikki new passports and tickets to take her son and go away to start her family. For a while she lived with her son in South America and in Mexico but only for a year or so. She went back to New York because she couldn't stay away from slaying. And some time passed before Robin realized why his mother wasn't coming back the nights...she was patrolling. She was a Chosen One, just like Buffy was. She couldn't ignore her calling no matter how hard she tried. But as Robin told her, Buffy wasn't Nikki. She had done things that Nikki hadn't, she had saved the world many times, she had raised Dawn when her mother died, she led an army and he believed she could raise the baby. There was a big difference between Nikki and Buffy, and that's that Buffy let people help her. And Buffy smiled at him. Before saying goodbye, Robin gave her a final advice not to raise the child alone if she decided to keep it. And Buffy promised not to.

Back to Spike and Dowling. Buffy sent a text to Spike and he wanted to go to her, asking Dowling to drive him. Dowling found the chance to tell him to talk to her about his feelings before Buffy got too old and it was too late for them. He understood that Spike wasn't over her, something that Spike tried to deny, telling him that he's been over her since they "brought down a house". But Dowling was a cop and he understood people. He knew that the only reason why Spike didn't admit his feelings was because he was too scared of hurting her. But he also reminded Spike that Buffy was a big girl and she could handle anything.

So Spike went to Buffy's place and found her at the pool. She had her legs in the water and she looked sad ... she was thinking. She asked him how were things with Dowling, Spike stated he was a nice guy but also nosy. Spike decided to talk to Buffy about his feelings, but she wanted to start talking first before the words disappear. She wanted to do something very hard and she asked his help. And Spike promised her anything she needed. What she wanted was to have an abortion, news that totally surprised Spike. Buffy thought that she could do what Nikki couldn't, she thought that she could walk away from slaying, she thought that she had everything that Nikki hadn't, Dawn, Willow, Xander, and Spike. She was ready to ask Spike to run away with her. But the problem was that she was not ready for a baby yet. She was the best in slaying, but when it comes to real life, she wasn't. She couldn't hold on to a job, her roommates were ready to kick her out, she couldn't control alcohol and the proof of that was that she got pregnant because of it and she couldn't remember the daddy, she was not ready for a baby. The problem was not the slaying, the problem was her. And with tears in her eyes she asked Spike to go with her to have an abortion and to be there next to her. And Spike tearful, gave her his hand, helping her to stand up and said "Yeah".


The story was set after "Slayer, Interrupted", but before "Apart (of Me)".

  • Flashbacks of Nikki Wood revealed that she was pregnant during her Cruciamentum. Buffy herself had her Cruciamentum on her 18th birthday in "Helpless".
  • Buffy made several references to her house-warming party when she "blacked out" in "Freefall, Part One", leading her to believe she became pregnant there.
  • Dawn referenced her one-night stand with her ex-boyfriend's friend, and all the transformations she went through from being a giant ("The Long Way Home" to "Time of Your Life, Part One"), a centuar ("Time of Your Life" to "Living Doll"), and becoming an actual doll ("Living Doll").
  • Buffy asked Dawn if Willow was available, Dawn mentioning that Willow's cell phone was disconnected. This was likely because of her adventure in Quor'toth with Angel and Faith in "Family Reunion".
  • Buffy explained that Spike could be a possible father because "all the vampire rules were being rewritten" since her destruction of the seed in "Last Gleaming, Part Four". This was a reference to the rise of zompires.
  • Nikki's backstory was more deeply elaborated, as she was only in flashbacks of her death at the hands of Spike in "Lies My Parents Told Me" and "Fool for Love".
  • The Watcher Crowley was see using the same type of metal arm guard/ brass knuckles to fight vampires that Robin Wood later wore in his fight against Spike in "Lies My Parents Told Me". Crowley raised and trained Robin to fight. 
  • Spike recaped his relationship with Buffy throughout the series: He tried to kill her but failed ("School Hard", "What's My Line, Part Two", "The Harsh Light of Day"), got a chip implanted in his head that prevented him from doing so ("The Initiative"), had a thing with a robot Buffy ("Intervention"), had a thing with the real Buffy ("Once More, With Feeling" to "As You Were"), recieved his soul ("Grave","Beneath You") and they went their seperate ways ("Chosen").
  • Spike claimed to Dowling that Buffy only went to him when she "needed dark". Buffy herself would label Spike her "dark place" in a daydream in "Last Gleaming, Part One".
  • Spike openly pushed Dowling to date Buffy because he was "normal", proving his words about wanting a normal life for her in "Freefall, Part Four" weren't just empty words.
  • When Spike questioned if Dowling liked Buffy, he didn't deny it, instead saying that she shouldn't date a cop. His feelings for Buffy were fully confirmed later in "Welcome to the Team, Part One".
  • Robin last appeared in "No Future For You, Part One".
  • When Dowling pointed out in a matter-of-fact way that he wasn't over Buffy, Spike bluntly replied, "I've been over Buffy since the night we first brought down a house." This was a reference to the famous scene of when Buffy and Spike first slept together in "Smashed", literally bringing down the house they were in.



Organizations and Titles




Weapons and Objects

Body Count

Behind the Scenes


Pop Culture References

  • A billboard for Dark Horse comics was seen near Buffy and Robin walking on the way to her car. 


Buffy - "Remember how many guys were at my house-warming party?"
Dawn - "I remember the cops tried to shut it down because the party got to crowded."
Buffy - "The list is just as crowded."
Crowley - "If you go through with this ... you're only going to hurt that child."
Nikki - "Maybe. But you saw what I did today when that vamp threatened my baby. I dug down deep and fought back. The baby could be my reason to fight."
Crowley - "If you put that burden on a child, Nikki ... he will blame you for the rest of his life."
Robin - "Right in front of me, Buffy. You aren't my mother. You've done things she never could. You've saved the world more times than I can count. And you raised your sister while doing it. Then you led an army of slayers. That's why I think you can have this baby. The difference between you and Nikki is ... when things get tough, you let people help. So if you decide to have that baby ... don't do it by yourself."
Dowling - "You aren't over her."
Spike - "I've been over Buffy since the night we first brought down a house."
Dowling - "I'm a cop. I read people. And the only reason you won't tell her how you feel is because you're afraid you might hurt her. But, like you said, Buffy's a big girl. She can handle whatever you throw at her."
Buffy - "Robin told me how Nikki tried to run away from slaying after he was born. And I thought I could do what she couldn't. I thought I had everything Nikki didn't. Dawn, Xander, Willow ... you. I was ready to ask you to run away with me. But then I realized ... I'm barely able to hold on to a job. I live with roommates who are about to kick me out. And I can't even hold my alcohol well enough to remember who got me pregnant. I can handle the slayer stuff. I can do what Nikki couldn't. But everything else? I'm not ready. At least not now. It's not the slaying. It's me. "



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