On Your Own, Part One

"On Your Own, Part One" was the sixth issue of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season Nine comic book series.

Synopsis
The issue begins with the flashbacks that we've seen from the preview pages. Nikki is fighting a vampire. We're in New York in 1973. Nikki is weak and the vampire is ready to kill her. It can understand the sedatives and it can also smell the blood of someone else, it knows that Nikki is pregnant. But that was his mistake, talking about her baby and threatening both of them only gave Nikki the strength she needed to fight back and dust him. Nikki's watcher comes, telling her that she shouldn't have done the cruciamentum. But Nikki is all about the mission, that's what's important, and all the slayers do it on their 18th birthdays. She shouldn't be an exception to the rule just because she's pregnant. The vampire threaten her baby and that gave her the strength to fight it as she tells her watcher. But she's still not sure what she'll do with her pregnancy.

We then go to Buffy herself. She's with her sister talking to her and telling her the news. Buffy has no idea who the father is but Dawn asks her to narrow it down by giving the list of the potential fathers. But the problem is that list has everybody who was at Buffy's party in #1. Dawn believes that maybe it wasn't that night, but Buffy is clear about it. She hasn't had any non-slayer action lately, she got pregnant the night of the party when she blacked out. Dawn is very supportive, she understands that people do stupid things while getting drunk, besides she herself ended up a giant, a centaur, a doll and she asks her sister if she remembers being alone with someone at the party. Buffy tells her about all the people she remember being alone with, Riley who's married, Andrew that she can't be sure why she even thinks about his name, Root who doesn't shower, Tumble who showers infrequently, the neighbor whose name she can't remember and Spike. Buffy is very surprised when she hears Spike's name, but Buffy tells us that with the seed now broken every vampire rule we've known is being rewritten. And those are only the guys she knew at the party, so she understands that she's on her own. But Dawn is very supportive hanging her and reminding her that she got her and Xander. Something that reminds Buffy of Willow, but Dawn says that her mobile was disconnected last time she tried to call her and she offers to stay with her and miss her courses until they figure it out but Buffy has another plan and she makes a call.

Dowling is at the embarcadero waiting for Spike who arrives with his spaceship, something that leaves Dowling speechless. He has a lot to learn about vampires but of course not all vampires have a spaceship, as Spike tells him. Back to 1973, Crowley asks Nikki about the father telling her that maybe the father can raise the baby. But Nikki has sees a lot of bad stuff and when she blows off the steam, she doesn't ask for names. And if she goes through it she'll end up hurting the baby. On the other hand though, that baby gave her strength to fight the vampire and kill him when she was powerless so maybe that baby is her reason of fighting. But as Crowley says, if she puts that burden on the child, it will always blame her.

So we return to present time and we see Robin himself talking to Buffy. He doesn't have any easy answer to give her. But all that Buffy wants is to know what's like to grow up and to have a slayer as your mother. So Robin tells her. He knew about demons and vampires when other children of his age believed in the tooth-fairy. He was closer to Crowley than he was to his own mother. And if he was lucky, she'd take him to patrols or else he had to wait for her to return, if she would return again. And waiting for her was hard and it always took longer than he expected, but she always came back until the night that she faced Spike and he killed her. Buffy is sad, she understands what she has to do, Robin grew up resenting his mother for what she did to him. But surprise, Robin actually reminds Buffy that he is alive and there talking to her because Nikki decided to have him. He believes that she should consider giving birth to the baby.

Back to Nikki. She's fighting vampires, killing most of them but one. Thank God her watcher is there to help her and he dusts the one that almost kills her. Two more vampires attack, each of them getting dusted by Nikki and her watcher. It's the first time that he follows her to patrol, and it's because she's pregnant. He has trained himself so he can help her. He can't believe that she went out to patrol, he has rented her a cabin to stay there, but for Nikki only the mission counts. Nikki is worried that the council will find out about her pregnancy when there will be nobody to fight the vampires. But her watcher assures her that he'll cover for her until the baby is born and that the council will never know about the baby until Nikki decides to give him to a family so he can grow up safely.

Back to Spike and Dowling who obliges Spike to wear a strait jacket. After all, it's the department's policy. And he wants to know more about vampires than already been dead as Spike informs him while wondering why he must wear the strait jacket. Dowling wants to know how to dust vampires and wants to find a nest so he can practice. But Spike is clear about it, he's not even close of being ready to even see a nest. They can wait for something nasty to come and feed itself and then they'll attack. So, Dowling unable to dust a vampire and wanting to know more, he asks Spike how a vampire is a slayer's friend. Since he must learn everything about them, it's obvious that this kind or relationship between Buffy and Spike surprises him. In just a cloud Spike tells him about their story, he wanted to kill her, he failed, he had the chip, he had a thing with the Buffybot, a thing with the real Buffy, then he got his soul and they went separate ways. And Dowling asks him if they still have something going on, and Spike replies that Buffy only goes to him when she wants something dark and wonders if Dowling fancies her. There's nothing he would love more than seeing her with a guy like Dowling who has no idea about what's going on during nights. Dowling believes that dating a cop is not the best thing, he have seen so many things and bringing them home is not the best thing. But Spike informs him that he has seen nothing compared to Buffy, there is nothing that Dowling has seen that Buffy can't handle it. Probably Dowling is the one that won't be able to handle it.

Back to Buffy and Robin. Buffy wonders how come Nikki didn't give him for adoption. Robin informs us that Nikki put up walls with everyone she came contact with. And after he was born, Nikki couldn't stay with a guy more than 2 weeks. And it would have killed Nikki to stay away from Robin but all she had to do was to stay away from slaying. When Nikki gave birth to Robin, she told her watcher that she didn't want to go back to slaying. And Crowley promised her that he'll deal with the council. We learn that Nikki had been already a slayer for 3 years until the moment she gave birth and most of the slayers don't last half that long, that she'd killed countless vampires and saved thousands and Crowley told her to walk away and do that for her son. Crowley gave Nikki new passports and tickets to take her son and go away to start her family. For a while she lived with her son in South America and in Mexico but only for a year or so. She went back to New York because she couldn't stay away from slaying. And some time passed before Robin realized why his mother wasn't coming back the nights...she was patrolling. She was a Chosen One, just like Buffy is. She couldn't ignore her calling no matter how hard she tried. But as Robin tells her, Buffy isn't Nikki. She has done things that Nikki hasn't, she has saved the world many times, she has raised Dawn when her mother died, she led an army and he believes she can raise the baby. There is a big difference between Nikki and Buffy, and that's that Buffy let people help her. And Buffy smiles at him. Before saying goodbye, Robin gives her a final advice not to raise the child alone if she decides to keep it. And Buffy promises not to.

Back to Spike and Dowling. Buffy sends a text to Spike and he wants to go to her asking Dowling to drive him. Dowling finds the chance to tell him to talk to her about his feelings before Buffy gets too old and it's too late for them. He understands that Spike isn't over her, something that Spike tries to deny telling him that he's over her ever since they first had sex in "Smashed" and brought down a house. But Dowling is a cop and he understands people. He knows that the only reason why Spike doesn't admit his feelings is because he's too scared of hurting her. But he also reminds Spike that Buffy is a big girl and she can handle anything, Spike told him that about her just some minutes before.

So Spike goes to Buffy's place and finds her at the pool. She has her legs in the water and she looks sad..she's thinking. She asks him how were things with Dowling, Spike says he's a nice guy but he's nosy. Spike decides to talk to Buffy about his feelings, but she wants to start talking first before the words disappear. She wants to do something very hard and she asks his help. And Spike promises her anything she needs. What she wants is to have an abortion, news that totally surprise Spike. Buffy thought that she could do what Nikki couldn't, she thought that she could walk away from slaying, she thought that she had everything that Nikki hadn't, Dawn, Willow, Xander, and Spike. She was ready to ask Spike to run away with her. But the problem is that she is not ready for a baby yet. She is the best in slaying, but when it comes to real life, she isn't. She can't hold on to a job, her roommates are ready to kick her out, she can't control alcohol and the proof of that is that she got pregnant because of it and she can't remember the daddy, she is not ready for a baby. The problem is not the slaying, the problem is her. And with tears in her eyes she asks Spike to go with her to have an abortion and to be there next to her. And Spike tearful, gives her his hand helping her to stand up and says "Yeah".

Continuity
The story was set after "Slayer, Interrupted", but before "Apart (of Me)".

Individuals

 * Buffy Summers
 * Spike
 * Detective Dowling
 * Nikki Wood
 * Bernard Crowley
 * Dawn Summers
 * Robin Wood

Organizations and Titles

 * Slayer

Species

 * Vampire
 * Zompire
 * Human

Locations

 * San Francisco

Collections

 * On Your Own